Why would you want to leave?

I almost quit the Peace Corps. I was at a bar in America, and had just finished my second vodka martini.
"Why would you want to leave this?" my friend said, gesturing to the elegant crowd sipping cocktails in mute gold lighting. "There won't be opera in Tonga, film festivals, wine tastings, restaurants...everything you love." She took another long pull on her gin and tonic. "I know you," she added.

That night, I wrote an email to the Peace Corps, telling them that I would not be accepting their invitation to serve in Tonga. Instead, I would be attending law school.

I never sent it.

Twenty seven months later, it's the last day of school in Vava'u. The students are bent over their English exam papers, and I'm watching to make sure no one cheats. They are so intent, so earnest, mouthing words to themselves, crossing out and rewriting over and over. At the beginning of the year, none of them would have attempted or cared to write a sentence, let alone finish a three hour exam. They didn't listen to me, perhaps because they couldn't even understand me. Then again, when I started at the school, I just saw a classroom of brown faces that all looked vaguely alike. I couldn't even pronounce their names.

Now, I know Amipeleaisi likes to shout out answers. Anamanu gets angry when she gets a question wrong. Makeleta is quiet, but her writing is imaginative and wild. Isileli likes to read with voices and make the class laugh. Atalangi loves romantic stories and smiles at all the girls. Tukulolo hit the other boys for their lunch money, but cried when I told him he was making me sad.

They know when I'm impatient to finish an assignment, when I've fought with another staff member, when I've received a text message from my boyfriend. They also know that the final exam is important to me, so now, they are inches away from their papers, answering every question.

I feel my chest getting tight. I look outside at the ocean, the coconut trees, and the pigs roaming on the athletic field. One of my students looks up and sees the tears in my eyes. She gives me a warm and sad smile. She knows what I'm thinking. She knows me.